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You could love me if I knew how to lie.
But who could love me? I am outta my mind.
Recent Entries 
24th-Oct-2008 02:45 am(no subject)
Ryan
This journal is officially closed.

Time to move on. I've sent some friends requests out. See someone friended you that you don't know? Yeah, that'd be me. Didn't get a friends request from me? That means we either lost touch or I just don't like you any more (only two people apply to that particular reasoning and I'm pretty sure they know who they are so no one panic.)

If I did not add you on the new journal, no hard feelings, its just because we rarely or never talk anymore. Feel free to message me on AIM though if you really want the new journal name.

It's been fun!

28th-Sep-2008 08:14 pm - 161
Random: yellow eye
I'm at 161.

Was at 159... back up to 161. I need to start walking again. I want to be down to 149 by the Rock Band Live Concert on the 30th of October. So, a little over a month to do that. I think if I actually kick my butt into gear I can do it. As long as I don't hit any more plateaus too bad.

Wish me luck.
8th-Sep-2008 10:16 am - Nearly Witches
PATD: Ryan tatoos
I want to live alone in a cabin for nine fucking months in the mountains of Nevada. I don't care if this doesn't make sense to people.

Here I am
composing a burlesque
out of where they rest their heads
sulking in their splintered cradles
And ramshackled hands
They asked for it
As a boy,
I eat my wishes on golden toothpicks and digested them with wolf intestines

I fell from the heavens
As a fetish blessed with
An operatic skeleton
And as the stars watched me descend
I cracked a family tree and
Chopped off all of the branches

I fell from the heavens
As a fetish blessed with
An operatic skeleton
And as the stars watched me descend
I cracked a family tree and
Chopped off all of the branches


3rd-Sep-2008 10:57 pm - Hellooooo
Ryan
Looking for someone on my friends list who has seen the movie 21, and might be interested developing, or maybe already has a muse for Kevin Spacey's character in the film. Anyone? Anyone?

Looking for some private RP with my Ben muse.

Hit me up! :D
1st-Sep-2008 11:16 pm(no subject)
Random: yellow eye
"You have me." And then you run.

Story of my life.

It doesn't matter.

Once again, used to it.
1st-Sep-2008 01:42 pm - Coffee shop Soundtrack
Random: bracelets
Should I write myself out of the history books,
and mark a place in time for every chance you took,
Don't get me wrong I know you've got your life in place -
I've yet to take the hint,
Some day
I'm sure I'll get the picture,
and stop waiting up...

When it all comes down,
to a sunrise on the east side,
will you be there to carry home,
the remains of my wasted youth,
this wasted time on you
has left me shaking in waiting,
shaking in waiting for something more.

Tonight is alive with the promise of a street-fight,
and there's money on the table,
that says your cheap-shots won't be able,
to break bones.
I've yet to break a sweat
I'll make your past regret its future.
Here's to you.

When it all comes down,
to a sunrise on the east side,
will you be there to carry home,
the remains of my wasted youth,
this wasted time on you
has left me shaking in waiting,
for something more.

Make all of my decisions for me,
I've never taken the fall for deceit,
I'll keep a secret if you keep me guessing,
The taste of your lips says we shouldn't have met like...

Make all of my decisions for me,
I've never taken the fall for deceit,
We'll keep a secret if you keep me guessing,
The taste of your lips says we shouldn't have met like this

I can keep a secret if you can keep me guessing,
The flavor of your lips is enough to keep me pressing,
for more than just a moment of truth between the lies told,
to pull ourselves away from the lives we leave back home...
I can keep a secret if you can keep me guessing,
The flavor of your lips is enough to keep me here, keep me here

When it all comes down,
to a sunrise on the east side,
will you be there to carry me home,
the remains of my wasted youth,
this wasted time on you
has left me shaking in waiting,
for something more.


"Coffee shop Soundtrack"
by: All Time Low
1st-Sep-2008 02:08 am - Hee~!
Ryan
KRIS AND I ARE CREATING THE BEST RPG EVER. OH YES.
Ryan
Apparently there was nothing between the lines to see.

I'm stupid, and that's the end of the story.
31st-Aug-2008 05:52 pm - Interesting
Ryan
So I just discovered that I'm not bisexual... I'm pansexual. Huh.

Edit: I think... I'm more attracted to personality... not gender. Though sexual attraction for me leans more toward men, emotional attraction gravitates more toward women. Thoughts anyone?
30th-Aug-2008 08:54 pm - An update for those that care.
Ryan
Alright, let's see. Update time. I am currently unemployed (because I got laid off. Stupid temp job) , living at home, and generally feel like a waste of space. The only thing keeping me from labeling my life as a complete waste at the moment is the fact that in being laid off, I've been able to focus on losing weight. So far, I've lost 30 lbs. I still have 35 more to go for my goal weight, but it's a start. Yes, at times I have been way less than healthy about it, but I can't really bring myself to care because I'm seeing results.

On the down side, I kinda feel like I'm falling out of touch with life in general. I'm 23 and have nothing. No job, no material anything really, not living where I want to, my body isn't what I want it to be. It's really depressing. So I throw myself into a fantasy world (aka rping) really hard core, and the next time I wake up, I've lost another three years of my life. I have to knock this off. I hate my life so much, that I'm wasting it by not living as myself. Does that make sense. I'm more worried about character interactions than I am about my own interaction with the outside world. I've gotten so far into it that the outside world barely appeals to me anymore. I have a limited amount of friends, no relationship, and yeah, like I said. I have nothing.

Also, I'm a crazy bitch and am going through quarter life crisis, which sadly is a real thing now-a-days. I feel like it's too late and I'm too old to embark on anything. I'm twenty fucking three years old and I'm acting like my life is over. I hate myself sometimes for the way my brain works. It's an ongoing cycle I can't pull myself out of. And it doesn't help that I absolutely don't trust anyone anymore to give me a hand. It always ends badly. IE: What I like to refer to as The California experience. That was a BIG mistake upon mistake upon mistake for so many reasons. I will say though all in all it was a good life experience. It taught me that people are full of shit~ and I got to see Hollywood so yeah. :D

I actually feel a little better now that I've vented all that. Feel free to ignore this.
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